Love Lessons.

This past weekend I got to spend time with a super awesome girl named Jessica.

She’s beautiful, sassy, and hilarious, and to say she was boy crazy would be a huge understatement.

Lessons 1Most of our weekend together was spent either talking about boys, flirting with boys, or following boys around.

Thankfully, our boys are very good sports.

Jessica’s methods of getting the guys are quite different from mine. However, my best estimate is that she has had at least 4 boyfriends in the past year, which far surpasses my zero boyfriends in the past 6 years.

So I thought that maybe I could take some advice from her. I’ve compiled a list of love lessons I learned this past weekend.

Who knows, they might come in handy.

1. If you’re interested in someone, it’s not important to know their name.  You can immediately start referring to them only as “boyfriend.”

2. There’s no need to wait until the right time to say “I love you.” You can tell someone you love them the day first day that you meet.

3. It’s okay to be interested in two boys at the same time.  Even if they know each other. Even if they are brothers.

4. Use being interested in two boys at once to be nonchalant when one turns you down. You can simply say, “I don’t love you anymore, now I love your brother (or friend, etc).”

5. Be honest about cheating.  It’s not good to keep it a secret, but always include an apology.

6. Boys love it when you write and record love songs for them.  You can even write one love song for multiple boys.

7. Fight for the guy you’re interested in.  Don’t let another girl get in the way.

8. Sometimes it’s necessary to (literally) get on your knees and beg someone to take you back.

9. If your guy says he needs time to think about your relationship, don’t be patient. Keep asking him every time you’re around him.

10. It’s okay to like older guys.

11. …or younger.

12. Share you candy with the boys you’re interested in.

13. Tell the boys you like how hot they are.

14. More specifically, it’s good to tell them how hot they are while doing something they’re good at. (Example: “You’re hot playing the drums/guitar/etc.”)

15. Always tell your guy goodnight.

16. Make a normal hug better by refusing to let go.

17. Come up with excuses to walk by the guy you like. Each time you do this make some kind of physical contact.

18. Grab his hand or arm when you’re walking together.

19. Ask for his opinion on things like a new hairstyle.

20. Finally, just be extremely bold and persistent.

In return for observing her approach all weekend, I offered her two pieces of my own approach:

1. It’s probably not a good idea to cheat on your boyfriends.

2. The art of Facebook creeping.

The first she ignored, the second she was a fan of.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow her method. It’s not exactly my style. Something tells me that I’ll never catch up to Jessica in boyfriend count, and that’s really okay. But maybe I’ll need to use (tiny pieces) of her approach someday. I can’t dismiss it completely unless I give it a shot.

Advertisements

Balance.

note: I wrote this post a while ago, but I wasn’t ready to publish it.  Now this situation is completely irrelevant.  Things worked themselves out (probably not how I would have hoped when I wrote this, but in a way that I can now see was definitely for the best. Now that’s is not a relevant subject, I decided to post it.  I liked what I said in the beginning, so here it is. 

When it comes to dating, I feel as if I’ve gotten different types of advice just based on who I am.  I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m a girl, I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m from the South, and I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m a Christian.

Here’s the thing: it all sounds like good advice until it starts to conflict.

I did what any “good Christian girl” should do in high school: I read books about dating. Specifically, I read both Dateable and I Kissed Dating GoodbyeDon’t get me wrong, both of them have good points, but now I don’t find myself completely agreeing with either one of them.

I dated in high school.  Well, more accurately, I had one decently long relationship in high school where we started off as best friends and ended as strangers.  Not the best scenario, but I learned a lot from it.  I learned that there are guys who will treat you like a gentleman should, and I also learned a few stupid mistakes to avoid.  I regret how I handled some parts of that relationship, but I don’t look back and think that I was ruined by that guy or that the relationship was pointless.

I can’t say that you absolutely shouldn’t date in high school, but I also can’t say that you should date every guy that comes along.  It’s a balance.  You have to do what’s right for you.

I held hands with this boy.  I also kissed this boy.  I even made out with this boy for long periods of time in both my grandparents’ backyard and a public park.  (Classy, I know.) So no, I’ll never be one of those girls who has her first kiss on her wedding day.  & I’m okay with that.  I also won’t be a girl who fully gives herself to somebody before he’s my husband.  & I’m okay with that too.  I want that.

However, there are some girls who don’t even want to touch another boy before they marry him.  & there are girls who think a lot more things are appropriate than what I think is appropriate.  Again, that’s (usually) okay.  This is all about a balance too.  You take what God says and what people who love you say into consideration, and do what you think is right.

It’s hard for me to give relationship advice.  Yes, I definitely have opinions, but I also have to take into consideration that I haven’t dated anyone in over five years.  (Whoa.) & that what’s right for me isn’t necessarily right for everyone else.

________________________________________________________________

I said all of this because I’m at a difficult point.  I’m at a point where I need to figure out the balance.

I’m at a point with a boy where I think a relationship is coming, but I don’t know how to get it started.

All the Christian advice given to me says I need to wait and let the guy pursue me.  All the Southern advice given to me tells me to wait and let the guy initiate the relationship.  But all the girl-empowered advice given to me tells me to initiate it on my own, and that I shouldn’t have to wait around for a guy.

See the problem?

I want to let him be the initiator, but how much can I do to encourage this? How much should I do to encourage this?

When I think about the facts that he’s a pretty shy guy, that he’s never been in a relationship before, and that there is a close friendship at risk here, I feel like I need to encourage it as much as I can.

But oppositely, I don’t want to push him into a relationship that he doesn’t want to get into.

Seriously.  See the need for balance?

I just haven’t quite figured this one out yet.  I’ve realized that it would probably be a bad idea to grab him and kiss him passionately the next time we see each other, but I’ve gone so far as to initiate other possibly romantic situations.

Some people would think a kiss would be perfectly okay, where some people probably think I’ve already gone too far.  I’m not sure what’s right for me right now.

So I’m here.  I’m kind of a mess.  I haven’t talked to this boy in several days (which is abnormal for us), and I don’t know whether to initiate a conversation or to keep waiting on him.  It’s not a big deal when you look at the big picture, but it’s more about me deciding how I’m going to handle my relationship with him.

I haven’t found my balance yet.  Here’s hoping that I figure it out soon.

…or that he comes in and sweeps me off my feet as soon as I finish writing this post.  I’d really be okay with either one.

PDA PSA.

This is my second Public Service announcement.  I hope this one comes across as a little less bitter than the last one.

For one, this is aimed at everyone, not just those of the male persuasion.

And also, I wrote this as a speech for my public speaking class last year.  So I’m not angry about this topic, I have just been observing and think that some people may need a polite(ish) reminder.  So here it goes:

Dear People Everywhere,

Picture this: You’re walking across campus on the way to your next class, quietly observing the environment and the people around you.  All of a sudden a couple appears in front of you who happen to be very cutely holding hands.  You might think to yourself “Aww, they’re so precious,” and continue walking with a smile on your face.  But what if that adorable couple suddenly stops in front of you and begins to passionately make out on the sidewalk.  All of a sudden, they’re not so cute.  You wonder whether to turn around, or walk by really quickly in order to avoid being awkward.  No one likes being in this kind of situation, so do everyone else a favor and do not be half of the couple in this scenario.  I’m asking you to avoid public displays of affection.

The main reason to avoid PDA is simply to be considerate to other people.  For some people, who perhaps do not have a significant other or who do not have the opportunity to see their boyfriend of girlfriend very often, seeing other people being affectionate may make them feel sad or lonely, or they may become jealous of what other people have.  That just isn’t fair.  Everyone should be able to be happy and content with their current relationship status without it being brought to their attention everywhere they go.  Because of this there are several places that you should regulate your PDA.

The first place to avoid PDA is obviously in public.  Most of us remember the weird couple in high school who made out between every single class while other students tried to pass by without either gawking or gagging.  No one wants to turn the aisle at the grocery store and be surprised by the couple swapping spit in the produce section.  And I’m sure most of us have been unfortunate enough to sit behind the high school couple in the movie theater who obviously didn’t come to watch the movie, eww.  Plus it’s never a pleasant surprise to glance at the booth next to you in a restaurant and see people who obviously wanted to taste what each other had for dinner.  It’s just not polite.

Another place where PDA has become abundant recently is in facebook pictures.  Please do not put a picture where you can’t see your face because it’s attached to some one else’s as your profile picture.  First of all, no one can tell who you are by glancing at your picture, and no one wants to look long enough to figure it out.  Realize that the picture shows up everywhere on facebook, not just your page, and people you don’t even know can probably look at you kissing your girlfriend or boyfriend.  Also, please do not past complete photo albums of you kissing your boyfriend or girlfriend from thirty-seven different angles.  The only people who care enough to look at them are probably your relatives (awkward) or your significant other who’s already in the pictures.

The last place you should avoid public displays of affection is not really public, but is still equally important.  For those of us who have room mates, be considerate enough not to display your affections in front of them.  I will probably never forget waking up from a nap freshman year to discover a pantsless boy in my room.  Nobody wants that unpleasant experience to happen to them.  Remember that even though you’re not technically in public, you still need to be careful of who can see what you’re doing.

I’m not saying that we should enforce laws like South Africa where it is illegal for anyone under the age of sixteen to take part in public displays of affection.  Those laws have caused even worse problems like protests and “kiss-a-thons” across the country.  One couple publicly displaying affection is too much, we don’t want to encourage more than already occurs.  I don’t even think high schools should have to have rules against PDA because people, even teenagers, should have enough common sense to realize what is appropriate.

Love always when you keep your hands to yourself,

Erin

Chain Email Corrections.

I found this chain email that I had received a while back and once again realized how ridiculous it is.  It’s a list of reasons for why girls like boys, and to put it nicely, it’s dumb.

So I’ve decided to make some corrections.  These things need to be cleared up.

1. The way they always wear their favorite cologne. This is not always a good thing, especially if their favorite cologne happens to be Axe body spray.  That stuff will cause you to suffocate.  Am I the only one who remembers how boys smelled after P.E. or practice in high school? You had to stay at least five feet away from them in order to not burst out in a coughing fit.

2. The way the run their hands through our hair.  This is no good either.  At least it’s no good for girls with curly hair like me.  If some boy tried to run his fingers though my hair, they might just get stuck.  And that would be extremely unfortunate.

3. The way that they look at you and you want to die right then and there. This makes no sense.  If I want to die when I look at somebody, that means I don’t like them. Why would anybody think wanting to die is a good thing?

4. The way that they casually put their arms around you. Well, I guess this one can be alright sometimes.  As long as they don’t do that weird pretending to stretch thing that you see on TV.  Or have pit stains.

5. The way that they kiss away your tears. Umm, this is kind of weird too.  Unless you have some sort of sodium deficiency, you don’t need to drink my tears.  That ain’t cute.

6. The way that they then get mad at how they can’t make your problem go away.  I mean, it’s nice that they want to help and all.  But if I’m already upset enough to be crying, I don’t want anybody getting mad at me.  I’m pretty sure everyone knows you’re not Superman anyways…

7. The way they show off around their friends, even though you both know that you would love them even if they missed a basket or two.  I’m not sure what this is talking about… basketball? Why do I care? Exactly, I don’t. Nobody likes a cocky guy anyways.

8. How there eyes light up at the result of 3 hours of preparing for your date. 3 hours? Are you sure they’re not just crying from exhaustion after waiting that long?  The only time I plan on taking 3 hours to get ready is for my wedding or something.  I’m busy. I got things to do.

9. How they always know just what to say to make you blush.  This isn’t good either.  Blushing usually means I’m embarrassed.  I don’t need a boy to embarrass me.  I embarrass myself enough already.  I don’t need your help.

10. How they sometimes think that they know just what to say to make you feel better, even if you think that it is the worst thing that they could say. Okay, this is getting frustrating.  Why would this ever make sense?  If this is the case, the boy may just be dumb.

11. The way they hold you close when you are cold. This one may also be alright in certain situations.  Again, just don’t smell bad or anything.

12. How they look at you when your mad at them and all your anger melts away. I’m pretty sure this only works with small children.  You don’t need to look at me, you just need to apologize.  That’s less creepy anyways.

13. How they always smile when you are together.  Are you dating a clown? Somethings wrong if your boy is always smiling.  You can be happy without being nauseating.

14. The way that they always let you win any game that you play together.  No thanks, I’m not stupid, and I’m not four.  Just play fair.  It’s more fun that way anyways.

15. …and then when you point that out to them they pretend to not know what you are talking about. This would just be frustrating.  Not cute, just annoying.

16. The way that they smile at you. This is okay too, as long as it’s not creepy.  I don’t like it when stranger boys smile at me.  Or old men. Or truck drivers. So this one depends on the person.

17. The way that you feel when they call to apologize after you had a big fight. Relieved? I guess I would like for a boy to apologize. Eh.

18. The way that they say I love you.  Umm, I guess this one is okay too.  As long as it’s reciprocated.

19. The way that they say I love you in front of their friends.  No thanks.  I despise PDA.  Your friends probably know you love me. No need to make them want to throw up.

20. The way that they touch and hold you so gently, like they are afraid that they will break you.  What am I, a baby? I mean, don’t beat me up, but I’m not a porcelain doll.

21. The way that they kiss you. Well, this one can be okay too I guess.  As long as you don’t have bad breath.  And same thing as #19, no PDA please.  Ever.

22. The way that they open their arms to you when you are crying.  I guess this is cute.  Sometimes.  Or you could just get me a tissue.

23. The way that they never admit that you hurt them.  I’m all for honesty.  No need to hold on to your man pride.

24. The way that they try not to cry when they are afraid that they are losing you. Losing me? Like I’m dying? Boy if I’m dying you can cry all you want.  I won’t judge.

25. The way that they think that they are your big protector, even though you
think that you are theirs. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m not a protector.  And what is this “think” thing? The boy should be the protector…

26. The way that they say I miss you, even though they hate to admit it.  Why would they hate to admit it? Too much man pride again?  I understand, but it’s not too hard to be honest.

27. The way that you miss everything about them when they are gone.  This is okay too I guess.  Unless it takes over your life.  Then you need to move on.  There are other important things in life.

28. The way that they remember your special moments, or aniversaries when
you think that they forgot.  This is alright for big things.  Like a one year anniversary. Just don’t be one of those annoying people who celebrates when they’ve been together for 17 weeks.  Nobody cares.  Not even you.

29. The way that they apologize when they do forget. This is good. Apologies are always welcomed.

30. The way that they comfort you when you have a bad day.  Two okay points in a row, what do you know!

31. The way that you can’t wait to get home and tell them all about your day. I guess this one is alright too.  Or you could use something handy called a cell phone if you’re that excited.

32. The way that they write you love letters even if they think that it is uncool. Just don’t be mushy.  This one is questionable…

33. How they would rather be with you then their friends sometime.  Yeah, this one is okay.  As long as it’s only sometimes.  It’s never good to only spend time with one person.  Friends are important.

34. How you want to hug them even though they are all sweaty.  Eww.  Gross.  I don’t need your sweat on my body.  You can take a shower.

35. Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without a trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitabley consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing a feeling, that is only felt.  What does this even mean? My life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Maybe ten of these were okay.  Who writes this?  I just hope nobody actually believes this thing.  Most of them don’t even make sense.

I don’t even have any witty comments to make after that.  Can you make money off of writing chain emails? Cause mine would definitely spread faster that this thing…