How to be a Crazy Roommate.

Ya’ll, I have completely wonderful roommates right now. And while they are crazy sometimes, it’s almost always crazy in a good way.  So this post is not about them at all.  It goes back a little bit further.

For three out of four years of college, my roommate situations have been solid.  However, my freshman year was a little bit different. I was an unfortunate victim of random roommate placement. For some reason, I’ve told stories of my freshman roommate several times recently, and I thought that I could be of assistance to you.

If you ever need or want to be a crazy roommate, I have some ideas. Want to rid yourself of your current roommate? I totally have you covered.

Here I am on the day I moved in with the crazy roommate.  I, obviously, was blissfully unaware of what would go down in Boone 109. (Also, note the lanyard around my neck. You can’t even pretend that I wasn’t a freshman in this picture.)

Anyways, here it is:

How to be a Crazy Roommate

  • Start with lying to your future roommate about when you will be moving in.  Tell her you’re moving in the same day, but really move in a week earlier.
  • Even though you have been moved in for several days, do not be there to greet your future roommate when she arrives.
  • On the first night of living together, have a boy who doesn’t even go to your school hanging out it your room when your new roommate gets back from orientation at 11:30 pm.
  • Don’t sleep in your room on your first night of living together and leave your new roommate to be lonely and cry.
  • Don’t wear pants. Ever.
  • Insist on blasting the air conditioning even when your roommate is wearing 6 layers of clothing.
  • Get scabies.
  • Ask your roommate to have a sleepover in her friend’s room so your friends can sleep in your bed.
  • Ask your roommate to switch rooms with one of your friends for the night.
  • Don’t wash your roommates clothes after she is nice enough to let you borrow them.
  • While your roommate is napping, allow a boy to take his pants off and get in your bed.
  • While your roommate is in the shower, get into your bed with your boyfriend.  It’s a good surprise when she comes back in her towel.
  • When your roommate is in class, call her twenty times because you locked yourself out.
  • Invite your family to hang out in your tiny room on Sunday afternoons.
  • Have an awkward boyfriend who uses your roommate to help him surprise you in awkward ways.
  • When your roommate goes to the emergency room in the middle of the night, don’t even bother to ask her what happened the next day.
  • Keep old, nasty smelling Asian food sitting on your desk.
  • Never say hi to your roommate when you see her in public.
  • Let your roommate be charged for paint you ripped off the walls.
  • After you no longer live together, defriend your roommate on facebook.

I’m sure there are other things you can do to be a crazy roommate, but these things should be sufficient.

They were enough to get rid of me after one year.

And furthermore, I am now terrified to random roommate placement in grad school.  I feel like I deserve somebody normal this time.  Please?

note: The year of living with this roommate was not ALL terrible, but by the end we were both ready to be out.  I don’t blame her for most of it. We were nothing alike. It happens. Also, I’m not posting her name on purpose.  I don’t know her now, and she doesn’t even go to school with me anymore.  Wouldn’t be fair. 

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On Being Sibling-less.

Today is National Sibling Day (yes, it actually exists).  This is a holiday that I will never be able to celebrate.  I’ve seen my facebook friends post adorable pictures of them with their siblings all day today, and it got me thinking:

So I’m an only child.  That’s right- no brothers or sisters for me.  Not even halves or steps. It’s always just been me and the parentals.

& to be honest, I like it that way.  I even pride myself sometimes on not being too much of a spoiled brat for being raised without siblings.

Sure there were times when I was younger when I wished I had siblings to play with or whatever, but since then I’ve wised up.  I like being the only child.

The only obvious downside to this that I can see is that I might never be an aunt, and my kids might not have cousins.  No worries though. There is a simple fix to this problem: marry a guy with at least one sibling. Problem solved.

However, there have been times when I just haven’t understood some of my friends’ decisions, and I feel that if I had siblings, I might be able to relate a little bit better.

For example, when I was in high school, the guy I was dating had a little sister.  His little sister’s birthday just happened to fall on Valentine’s Day.  So on Valentine’s Day, the most romantic holiday of the year (especially for madly in love fifteen year olds), we had dinner with his family.  Yeah, not so romantic.

I didn’t get it.  Shouldn’t I, the object of all his affection, have trumped his sister in this situation? Maybe you would call this selfish, but I felt like his sister would have understood.  I guess maybe I just don’t understand the rules of sibling-ship.

Another example is more current.  My friends and I are in the middle of planning a summer vacation.  It might not sound like a big deal, but for friends who have been split up into several different colleges and hardly ever get to see each other, a few days to catch up is rare and wonderful.

Anyways, when I asked one of my friends if he could come, he said he might not be able to because his sister is coming to visit.  Umm, what?

You might not be able to go on vacation with your best friends because you won’t be able to see you sister? I mean, you see her every couple of months, and the last time this many of your friends were together was at Christmas.  & that was only for a couple of hours.  You’ll see your sister again soon, but this vacation might not happen again.  Things change.

& then, he furthered his point by saying that it might be one of the last times he gets to see her before she has her baby.  Which sounds legitimate, until you consider that she will only be four and a half months pregnant.  He’ll see her again.  But who gets excited about seeing a pregnant girl anyways? I mean, if the baby was coming, I would completely understand, but I didn’t realize 20-year-old boys got excited about growing baby bumps.

So I don’t know if I just have a habit of being selfish with my friends and jealous of their siblings, or if it’s just something that I don’t understand. Or that I can’t understand.

Maybe some of you with brothers and sisters could fill me in here. Are sibling relationships a lot more important that I realize? Or are these situations weird? I’m just wondering since I’ll never be able to understand on my own.

Sometimes the life of an only child is rough. Well, okay, not really.

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Note: I wrote this when I was slightly stressed and annoyed.  I am no longer bitter, and everything has worked out.  Just don’t hate me too much for not understanding. 

When I Get Married…

…I could finish that sentence in about a million different ways.

Most of them would probably be incorrect assumptions about my future life seeing that I don’t know if, when, or to whom I’m going to get married.

& I could come up with a ton of statements about what I will and will not do with or to my future husband, but most of them, I admit, would be subject to change (due to that fact that I know absolutely nothing about actually being married).

However, I can finish that sentence in one way that will definitely not change. Ever.

“When I get married, I will never combine my facebook with my husband’s.”

(I do realize that facebook will probably be obsolete by the time I get married.  But nevertheless, I hate when other couples do this. It’s about principle.  & just doing what makes sense.)

First of all, I must point out the obvious:: A facebook profile is meant for one person. & only one.

-If it was made for two people, you wouldn’t have to make up some weird hybrid name like JackandJill Smith in order to share.  In case you were confused, this doesn’t make you look all cute and lovey, it just makes you seem like you had some weird celebrity and/or ghetto parent that couldn’t pick just one name for their baby.

-Also, if it was made for two people you would be able to post that you are a man and a woman.  (Not pick one and look like a tranny or leave it blank and look suspicious.)

-You would also be able to say that you are married without it looking like conjoined twins are married to the same person or something creepy like that.

-& you would be able to list two different birthdays.  It’s pretty unlikely that you were born on the same day, month, and year, and then just happened to fall in love.

-& you would be able to still tag people separately.  (I can’t be the only one who gets real confused when one person is tagged as two.)

-Plus, it’s pretty much impossible for two people to have the same interests.  Even if you are married, there has to be a little variety.

-& I don’t think I know any couples that have the exact same job.  You usually need some sort of break from one another. Even I can’t handle being around my favorite people for too long…

I know, I know.  You may say, “But we don’t want to keep anything from each other” or some weird cutesy crap that I don’t commiserate with because I’m not married.

I understand the whole trust thing.  But can’t you just give each other your passwords? I had to do that with my mom in high school.  It wasn’t awesome, but there weren’t any problems.  Surely this could work for married couples too.

& not to be all pessimistic, but if you want to hide something from your spouse, you can do it even if you do share the same facebook.

Plus it’d be super awkward if you got divorced.  Yep. Pretty sure you wouldn’t have all the same friends anymore…

So take my advice, facebook users of the world:: Keep your facebook for yourself.  You can share plenty of other things with you spouse, but not that.

And don’t forget this, either.

Fashion Questionability.

I have decided to write a blog post about fashion.  More specifically, the current fashions that I just don’t understand.

Now, before you say anything, please understand that I am not claiming any credibility in the fashion area.  & I am definitely not trying to give anyone fashion advice.

Please remember that all of this is coming from the girl who oftentimes dresses like a five-year-old.  I wear hairbows everyday, and my regular outfit rotation includes overalls from the thrift store, several pairs of keds, vans with flamingos on them, about twenty pairs of tights, and lots of bright colors.

Yeah, I’m no fashionista.

But I still have opinions.  And I frequently question things about clothes.  So I’m going to state my questions, and if you have answers, please give them to me.

1. Can someone please explain to me why my shorts need to have three hooks, four buttons, and a zipper? Well, I may be exaggerating a little, but seriously.  One day, all of the contraptions I have to go through to take my shorts off are going to make me wet my pants.  & that will not be a good day.

2. Next, I would love for somebody to tell me why in the world it makes sense to wear boots with shorts.  To me, it’s simple.  Shorts are for when it’s hot, and boots are for when it’s cold.  This just doesn’t add up.  Either your calves will be hot, or your thighs will be cold. No bueno.

3.  Why don’t people like to wear shiny rain slickers anymore? If you search them on google, you find more raincoats for dogs and lawn geese than people.  Seriously? Completely lame if you ask me.  I think they should be popular (and not cost $92…)

4. I also don’t understand why choker necklaces are listed as a fall trend this year.  I don’t like to feel like a can’t breathe.  And I also don’t like to feel like I’m a dog wearing a collar.

Or at least I don’t like it anymore.  I did however, rock a stretchy choker back in the day:

5. Lastly, can you tell me why it makes sense to wear above the knee boots? Umm, they make pants for that. Just sayin’.

These are actually the only fashion annoyances on my mind right now (surprisingly). However, I may continue this as people continue to wear weirder and weirder things.  And for reals, if you understand these things that I don’t, feel free to enlighten me.