note: I wrote this post a while ago, but I wasn’t ready to publish it. Now this situation is completely irrelevant. Things worked themselves out (probably not how I would have hoped when I wrote this, but in a way that I can now see was definitely for the best. Now that’s is not a relevant subject, I decided to post it. I liked what I said in the beginning, so here it is.
When it comes to dating, I feel as if I’ve gotten different types of advice just based on who I am. I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m a girl, I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m from the South, and I’ve gotten advice based on the fact that I’m a Christian.
Here’s the thing: it all sounds like good advice until it starts to conflict.
I did what any “good Christian girl” should do in high school: I read books about dating. Specifically, I read both Dateable and I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Don’t get me wrong, both of them have good points, but now I don’t find myself completely agreeing with either one of them.
I dated in high school. Well, more accurately, I had one decently long relationship in high school where we started off as best friends and ended as strangers. Not the best scenario, but I learned a lot from it. I learned that there are guys who will treat you like a gentleman should, and I also learned a few stupid mistakes to avoid. I regret how I handled some parts of that relationship, but I don’t look back and think that I was ruined by that guy or that the relationship was pointless.
I can’t say that you absolutely shouldn’t date in high school, but I also can’t say that you should date every guy that comes along. It’s a balance. You have to do what’s right for you.
I held hands with this boy. I also kissed this boy. I even made out with this boy for long periods of time in both my grandparents’ backyard and a public park. (Classy, I know.) So no, I’ll never be one of those girls who has her first kiss on her wedding day. & I’m okay with that. I also won’t be a girl who fully gives herself to somebody before he’s my husband. & I’m okay with that too. I want that.
However, there are some girls who don’t even want to touch another boy before they marry him. & there are girls who think a lot more things are appropriate than what I think is appropriate. Again, that’s (usually) okay. This is all about a balance too. You take what God says and what people who love you say into consideration, and do what you think is right.
It’s hard for me to give relationship advice. Yes, I definitely have opinions, but I also have to take into consideration that I haven’t dated anyone in over five years. (Whoa.) & that what’s right for me isn’t necessarily right for everyone else.
I said all of this because I’m at a difficult point. I’m at a point where I need to figure out the balance.
I’m at a point with a boy where I think a relationship is coming, but I don’t know how to get it started.
All the Christian advice given to me says I need to wait and let the guy pursue me. All the Southern advice given to me tells me to wait and let the guy initiate the relationship. But all the girl-empowered advice given to me tells me to initiate it on my own, and that I shouldn’t have to wait around for a guy.
See the problem?
I want to let him be the initiator, but how much can I do to encourage this? How much should I do to encourage this?
When I think about the facts that he’s a pretty shy guy, that he’s never been in a relationship before, and that there is a close friendship at risk here, I feel like I need to encourage it as much as I can.
But oppositely, I don’t want to push him into a relationship that he doesn’t want to get into.
Seriously. See the need for balance?
I just haven’t quite figured this one out yet. I’ve realized that it would probably be a bad idea to grab him and kiss him passionately the next time we see each other, but I’ve gone so far as to initiate other possibly romantic situations.
Some people would think a kiss would be perfectly okay, where some people probably think I’ve already gone too far. I’m not sure what’s right for me right now.
So I’m here. I’m kind of a mess. I haven’t talked to this boy in several days (which is abnormal for us), and I don’t know whether to initiate a conversation or to keep waiting on him. It’s not a big deal when you look at the big picture, but it’s more about me deciding how I’m going to handle my relationship with him.
I haven’t found my balance yet. Here’s hoping that I figure it out soon.
…or that he comes in and sweeps me off my feet as soon as I finish writing this post. I’d really be okay with either one.