For some reason, spending this specific Valentine’s Day as a single girl has made me feel more bummed than usual. Maybe it was due to the fact that I didn’t have much to do, and spent part of my night stumbling in the relationship category, or maybe it was because my lovely roommate had a lovely first date tonight. But most likely it was because I’ve been spending a lot of my thoughts on relationships recently.
I’m not sure why the desire for a relationship has been occupying so many of my thoughts recently, but I can’t seem to get it off my mind.
For one thing, I recently decided that a relationship between one of my best friends and myself was definitely not going to happen. I think I had simply held on to the idea because he was (and is) one of the few people I felt close enough with to start a relationship. But when I really started thinking about what kind of
guy man I want to date, he just doesn’t measure up. I realized that he is not prepared to be the type of spiritual leader I would need, and just being really comfortable with each other is not enough.
Another factor is that I have been dealing with a small(ish) amount of unwanted affection recently. And even though I had no romantic interest whatsoever in this poor boy who can’t handle a girl inviting him to hang out with friends, dealing with the situation made my mind wander into relationship-searching mode without me even realizing it.
Together, I think that these two situations led me to pick out one of my friends to view as an ideal relationship candidate. I began to think about him more often, do some minimal stalking of his Facebook page, and worry more than usual about what his feelings were towards me. And while he does possess many qualities that I would desire to have in a significant other, I realized that it wasn’t healthy of me to be focusing on a silly boy like this who has made no indication of being interested in being more than friends with me.
I was a leader at a disciple now this past weekend where the focus was on purity. As I taught and talked to these wonderful high school girls, I realized I needed to hear some of the things I was saying. It’s not good for me to focus on what could be when I should be focusing on what is.
Also, as we were talking about relationships and waiting on your future husband, one of my dear friends brought up a good point. She said that while we focus so much on the type of man we want to marry and the qualifications we want him to possess, we have to work on being the type of woman that he deserves as well.
Waiting for somebody definitely does not mean sitting around and doing nothing. I need to focus my time on taking advantage of my singleness and becoming the type of woman who will someday (hopefully) be a wonderful wife to a Godly man.
Through all of this, I still realize that, for myself, that is way easier said than done. But for now, I will try to do my best. I will try not to imagine relationships where there are none and be patient in my waiting. And when it becomes difficult, I will turn to God for my comfort.
During this, this poem is a wonderful reminder of why.
On His Plans For Your Mate:
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone.
To have a deep soul relationship, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively,
But God, to a Christian says:
No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
To having an intensely personal relationship with me alone.
Discovering that in Me is your only satisfaction to be found.
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you?
You will never be united with another, until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing
And allow me to give you the most beautiful plan existing
One that you cannot imagine- I want you to have the best
Please allow me to bring it to you,
You just keep watching me and expecting the greatest things
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you
You just wait
That is all
Do not be anxious. Do not worry.
Do not look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them
Do not look at the things you think you want
You just keep looking off and away up to Me
Or you will miss what I want to show you.
And, when you are ready I will surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you would ever dream
You see, until you are ready,
(I am working at this moment to have you both ready at the same time.)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you.
You will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me,
And is thus, the perfect love.
And dear one,
I want you to have this most wonderful love
I want you to see, in the flesh, a picture of your relationship with me,
And enjoy, materially, and concretely,
The everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love
That I offer you.
Believe it, and be satisfied-